Smoking City

Recently, I've been working on a local smoking cessation campaign, helping the people of Smoking City (North-West England) to quit smoking. Like other work I've gotten recently, my route into this job was totally random and I never thought I'd end up doing work like this. In fact, the thought of approaching random people in the street, clipboard in hand, and asking them if they smoke and, if so, would they like help to quit, filled me with dread.

To my relief, the work has been good and dare I say enjoyable. The best bit (okay, money aside) is some of the characters I've met over the last few weeks. Such as:

The Limerick Lady: Always reading for a laugh, she has a limerick up her sleeve and a joke at her lips.

The Skint Mobility Man: Another inhabitant of the shopping precinct, he does his rounds on his mobility scooter, on the back of which hangs a sign reading 'skint'.

The 1 Year Old ASBO: Comes charging towards our stand on his toy truck with Rottweiler strength and determination. Just when I think he's going to come crashing into us, sending the 'no smoking' tins flying, he makes a sudden left turn and careers towards the nearest shop front and stops. Then, with a cheeky glint, he tilts his head backwards and spits onto the carpeted floor of 'Clinton Cards'. Satisfied with himself, he reverses and swaggers back to his parents who laugh at the whole show.

The 'Wanker':
Takes the carbon monoxide test and is told to hold his breath for 15 seconds. He can't. The counter has only been going for 7 seconds but the guy turns blue and he looks like he's on the verge of passing out. A few more seconds pass and he can't hold on anymore. He splutters out the remaining breath and gasps for more air. When he finally gets his breath back he says nonchalantly, 'is that why I can never cum whenever I have a wank?'

The Meat Pie Man: -
Me: 'Hello Sir, do you smoke?'
Him: 'Only meat pies'
Me: 'What? You smoke meat pies?'
Him: 'And Kit Kats. I get meat pies and kit kats confused. Taste the same'
Me: Speechless

Lastly, there was the classic moment when, after holding his breath for 15 seconds for the carbon monoxide text, one man breaths out...but not into the tube!