Writing job application after application and receiving rejection after rejection, my spirits were lifted when, finally, a large package inviting me for interview came through the post. Yey - maybe it's for the lecturing job or perhaps that curating job I'd been counting on. The last thing I expected was an interview for the research analyst position I applied for, admittedly on a whim. Low and behold it was just that. Slightly peturbed but happy at least that I'd been considered, I started to prepare for the interview.
Ok, 'must have experience of writing reports'. Check. 'Must have excellent communication and interpersonal skills'. Check. Ok, 'experience of data and statistical analysis'. Hmm, well I can analyse processed data but it's been years since I've dealt with statistics. There's a reason I didn't pursue maths beyond compulsory GCSE stage. Better refresh my knowledge of Excel, it's been a long time since I did that Computer Literacy test at school. From what I can remember though, it was pretty easy creating a few tables and graphs. How quickly the mind forgets the details or how quickly the mind fails I don't know but my re-introduction to the brain-crushing number crunching world of Excel wasn't smooth.
I phone my sister's boyfriend who's a total Whizzkid at it. 'Hiya C, I got this job interview coming up and just need some pointers in Excel so I know what to revise beforehand. Can ya help?' 'Oh sure Acorn, it's really very easy. All you need to know about are pivot tables, filters, and counter sum functions, which I'm sure you already know right?' Silence. After the phone call I start the online Excel tutorial and quickly give up. Aye, I'm sure all this number crunching stuff ain't important. The main thing is that I can write decent reports, which I can. I'll be grand.
The day before the interview I freak out. 'I can't do this' I tell myself. 'What if they want a number cruncher. I think I oversold myself on my CV. Oh dear, best phone them and tell them I can't make it. How can I get out of it?' Tomato soon calms me down, I'm nervous that's all, I musn't underestimate my capabilities. A voice somewhere deep inside is screaming 'don't do it!' but I dismiss it as nothing but my perfectionalist who is scared of failure. Getting a job is all about stepping outside of your comfort zone right?
So it came about that today was interview day. I wake up from the nightmarish scenario of running through endless corridors which seem hell-bent on crushing me into piles of grey mush. I dust off the interview suit - a grey boys' wedding get-up, the only damn thing I could find in the whole of Manchester that actually fitted my tiny frame! After an age of gut-wrenching activity in the bathroom I leg it to the station and manage to jump on the train with milliseconds to spare. A few wayward turns but I manage to find the training centre - a non-descript grey concrete building with cells for rooms - standard Council jobby. I sit in the waiting room and wait for my turn. Hours tick by before a speaker finally bellows - 'Louis Bailey, please proceed to training suite 3'. Test time!
Once inside I greet the invigilator and sit next to the screen. 'Please read the list of instructions to your left and let me know when you're ready to start the test' I am told in a calm, soothing voice.
Ok, I think to myself, the test will be fine - I'm not strong on Excel but I am good at Word, Outlook, report writing and general admin. procedures. I read the instructions: 'This test will examine your knowledge of Excel. Please show all your formulas and workings on the spreadsheet allocated'. What? Excel, where's the other stuff. I start to panic. Ok, I need to calm down. It can't be that bad. I'll be alright. 'Are you ready to start?' asks the invigilator politely. 'Ready as I'll ever be' I gulp.
Question 1: Calculate the percentage of children entering social care between the years 2034 and 2037.
'What? This question doesn't even make sense!'
I look at the data - all 20 pages of it. 'Where do I even begin?'
'Ok, I won't panic, I'll look at the next question'
Question 2: Repeat to determine the percentage of children leaving social care in the year 2036.
'Huh? Oh my God, I don't know, I don't know'
I scroll down.
Question 3: Create a graph showing the start and end dates of children in care between 2034 and 2037.
'Oh, graphs, easy. I can do that'
I copy and paste the data into a new spreadsheet and hit the format graph action. It asks me to input the range. 'Hmm, ah yes I remember'. I put in A2 to show the beginning of the data column. 'Ah, but what is the final data cell called?' I ask myself. I scroll down. 'Oh my God, when will it end, pages and pages of numbers'. Finally I get to the last cell - number 4500. 'Erm, ok, must be A2:A4500'.
INVALID CODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flashes in bold red letters across the screen.
'Shit shit shit'.
I try to undo but the test tracks all changes made. I can't delete my mistakes.
I start again, and then again.
By now I'm panicking. I don't get it. My head hurts. I want to go home.
'I can't do this' I tell the invigilator. 'Oh don't worry love, it's just nerves. Have some water, you'll soon get into it' the kindly maternal woman replies.
'No, you don't understand, I can't do it. I can't do Excel, I can't understand it. I think I'm wasting your time, I should go'
'Oh no, you don't want to go' she says reassuringly.
'No no, I really need to go, please let me go'
'No, that's not a good idea love. Don't worry, I'll pop next door and see whether they'll have a chat with you'
I try to protest but she's already left the room and before I know it I'm hoarded into the interview room, test incomplete.+++
I really want to leave but the interviewers are already standing with arms outstretched to welcome me, the potential new worker bee.
'We hear you had a bit of problem next door'
They make it sound like I've just pissed myself. Maybe I should have, maybe then I could have escaped this concrete hell hole.
'Oh, yes I'll be honest with you' I say. 'Excel is my weak point. I was expecting to be tested on my other abilities. Erm, do you offer training in Excel?'
I proceed to explain that I'm really not a waste of space, that I am an excellent researcher and have extensive experience writing and editing reports. But they're not interested.
'If your manager told you that he wasn't happy with the numbers you submitted and that he wanted you to change them, what would you do?' panelist number 1 asks.
'Well, I'd check that the numbers were inputted correctly and work backwards from there - check the source etc'
Interviewer number 1 interupts - 'No, but if you had inputted them correctly but your manager still wanted you to change one, for eg from 49 to 51'
'Oh, erm well I'd ask his reasoning for doing so, I mean I wouldn't go changing any numbers unless there was concrete evidence for doing so'
Not the right answer. Not a good worker bee. There's to be no questioning of authority here. Right answer - if you're told to change something you do it, no questions asked.
And here's the gist of it really. No, I'm not a good worker bee and never will be. I ask too many questions. I don't do simple 'yes' or 'no' answers, I don't think in black and white. I like to question, to complicate, to see a myriad of colours besides grey.
And with that I left the grey building, hung up my grey cloak and made a resolution to start listening to my inner artist. This worker bee life ain't for me!
+++ This moment was just like that great scene in Season 1 of Red Dwarf where Rimmer sits his Officer exam. Instead of the hand-print, I simply saved the series of blank spreadsheets with my name.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The hoarders or, The Things They Can't Live Without
My parents' keepsakes:
- a shrivelled up orange kept in his bedside drawer
- a balding dog-come-nightie-bag curled up on her side of the bed
- a man-scented soap-on-a-roap, unused
- a chocolate-covered valentine heart, long past its sell-by
- a portrait of a sad, doe-eyed clown looks down on them at night
whilst the photograph of an unknown child hangs 'round her neck
in a silver locket
- a shrivelled up orange kept in his bedside drawer
- a balding dog-come-nightie-bag curled up on her side of the bed
- a man-scented soap-on-a-roap, unused
- a chocolate-covered valentine heart, long past its sell-by
- a portrait of a sad, doe-eyed clown looks down on them at night
whilst the photograph of an unknown child hangs 'round her neck
in a silver locket
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Academic Rants
The background: My old PhD supervisor invites me to teach her MA class and I agree - for the experience in the absence of payment. The class goes really well and I get lots of great feedback from the students who wonder why there is nothing about trans issues on their entire 'Gender and Sexuality' program. I present this dilemma to said supervisor who agrees that it's a shame but isn't willing to put her money where her mouth is. This is her advice to me after my suggestion to create a 'trans studies' stream within her module:
Hi Acorn,
With every semester that passes since the awarding of your PhD, prospective employers will have imagined that you’ve been actively applying for academic posts. What perhaps you don’t realize is this—there’s a kind of hidden sell-by date. Academics will recognize that there aren’t many academic jobs going round, but this is an unforgiving profession—and if you don’t start getting serious about an academic post, the difference between the date in which you apply for a job and the date of the awarding of the PhD will begin to send off alarm bells. People will notice that gap and ask (not you—but themselves in the shortlisting meetings), what’s wrong with this candidate? Of course you can explain to them what you’ve explained to me—but as I’ve said, this is a tough and unforgiving profession. No one is interested in your personal circumstances. (I could perhaps explain this better in person.) What I am trying to say is that the clock is ticking if you have real ambitions to work in a university.
You are a highly intelligent and highly motivated young academic—eventually you could land a job at a leading research institution. At the very least, you could land a job at some decent university.
No academic has the luxury of selecting where they want to live. Someone once asked me ‘how did you decide where you wanted to live’--and my response was this: university teaching possibilities made that decision for me. I would never have opted to move to Florida, where I endured years at a horrible southern baptist university, until I landed a job with the State University of New York—again, another place where I never imagined teaching...
This is about risk and drive. It may be the case that you imagine your partner will not be accommodated in places where you get these jobs, but if the university wants you badly enough, things can happen. That’s part of the negotiating process. You absolutely must stay active and start getting out articles and make sure your book is being circulated at university presses.
The best you could hope for in the local area is the odd module from time to time. There are all sorts of prejudices in academe—and I’ve always warned students that your PhD will always look slightly less sexy here than elsewhere.
The proposal you suggest in Trans Studies at the University is interesting, but...it is unlikely that anyone here will go for this in a big way. The grant ventures that you suggest would be plausible if there was an academic on staff at the university with precisely these research interests, with the time, commitment and vision to drive these forward. Most researchers are already working in their own areas.
What you need to realize is that you must start applying for each and every academic job that looks plausible anywhere in the country, but also abroad. Even if you don’t decide, for whatever reason, to take that job, you will have been through the interview process—and each interview experience is important in helping you perform better in that setting.
When I completed my PhD I applied for about 35-40 jobs—this is what you should be doing. Scouring the www.jobs.ac.uk and THES. Nothing is going to be handed to you on a plate—you’ve got to do the footwork and hustle.
Remember—you don’t actually have to take the job, but getting an offer may help you to figure out if you have other life options in how you work out the day to day arrangements for the care of your partner.
I believe that you are far too talented to let the possibility of an academic job slip through your fingers.
Prof. Oak
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And this is my reply:
Dear Prof. Oak,
I appreciate where you're coming from but I feel that I must clarify my position with all of this. It sounds like you and I have very different expectations of academia. Rather than viewing the completion of a PhD as a means of securing a foothold on the academic rung, I instead see it as a means of sharpening my skills as an independent researcher and writer. At this stage, my relationship to academia exists in conjunction with my capacity as a trainer, researcher and consultant in other realms - ie the public sector, local Government, NGOs and other Independent bodies. At the core of each involvement is a commitment to advocacy, education, equalities and the transfer of knowledge. In other words, my passion for academic research and teaching finds its equivalent in the undertaking of more 'hands on' campaign, research and consultancy work. Whilst academia will always be a part of my life, I see my involvement on a more arms-length basis - ie contributing to specific research projects, as a guest lecturer, sessional tutor etc rather than securing a tenured position.
Since finishing the PhD, I have set up as a freelance researcher, trainer and consultant and am in the process of launching my own research organisation - Inter Alia - with a good friend and colleague. We've have been working with the Equality and Diversity Office of Oak Uni. to deliver training and a resource package on trans issues, advising staff (HR, student support, academic etc) about best practice when working with trans staff and students (to be implemented next year on a trial basis). I'm also currently undertaking research for an education consultant in London, looking into practical ways of implementing the equalities schemes in SEN schools across the UK. I've recently been in contact with a private consultancy organisation about undertaking freelance work in the area of NHS consultations. Applying my research to the public sector is something I'm hoping to develop over the next few years.
I've submitted over twenty job applications since graduating - post-doc fellowships and lecturing posts in arts/humanities and the social/political sciences at both traditional and ex-polytechnic Unis; research and policy work for the EHRC, local councils, NGOs, civil service, charities etc; research and development within community-led and arts organisations etc. In the meantime, I've managed to secure casual/part-time work in the area of website design, student support research, and campaigns/social enterprise research.
I'm currently applying to undertake a post-doc fellowship at a Swedish Uni in the area of feminist/queer/trans research. I've also just submitted an application to the 'Transgender Council of Europe' to undertake human rights violations research in the area of 'Trans People and the British Criminal Justice System'. In addition, I'm in the process of finalising a research application to the ESRC in the area of 'Trans People and Ageing', looking at the experiences of and attitudes towards gender variant people in a social/residential care setting in the UK.
So, as you can see, I've been far from inactive. The path I've chosen to tread is equally as challenging as the path you've taken and I too will make sacrifices - financial wealth and academic status etc - but, my heartfelt commitment to social change drives me forwards.
Best,
Acorn
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm still waiting for the 'thank you' from Prof. Oak for doing one of her classes for free! Watch this space...
Hi Acorn,
With every semester that passes since the awarding of your PhD, prospective employers will have imagined that you’ve been actively applying for academic posts. What perhaps you don’t realize is this—there’s a kind of hidden sell-by date. Academics will recognize that there aren’t many academic jobs going round, but this is an unforgiving profession—and if you don’t start getting serious about an academic post, the difference between the date in which you apply for a job and the date of the awarding of the PhD will begin to send off alarm bells. People will notice that gap and ask (not you—but themselves in the shortlisting meetings), what’s wrong with this candidate? Of course you can explain to them what you’ve explained to me—but as I’ve said, this is a tough and unforgiving profession. No one is interested in your personal circumstances. (I could perhaps explain this better in person.) What I am trying to say is that the clock is ticking if you have real ambitions to work in a university.
You are a highly intelligent and highly motivated young academic—eventually you could land a job at a leading research institution. At the very least, you could land a job at some decent university.
No academic has the luxury of selecting where they want to live. Someone once asked me ‘how did you decide where you wanted to live’--and my response was this: university teaching possibilities made that decision for me. I would never have opted to move to Florida, where I endured years at a horrible southern baptist university, until I landed a job with the State University of New York—again, another place where I never imagined teaching...
This is about risk and drive. It may be the case that you imagine your partner will not be accommodated in places where you get these jobs, but if the university wants you badly enough, things can happen. That’s part of the negotiating process. You absolutely must stay active and start getting out articles and make sure your book is being circulated at university presses.
The best you could hope for in the local area is the odd module from time to time. There are all sorts of prejudices in academe—and I’ve always warned students that your PhD will always look slightly less sexy here than elsewhere.
The proposal you suggest in Trans Studies at the University is interesting, but...it is unlikely that anyone here will go for this in a big way. The grant ventures that you suggest would be plausible if there was an academic on staff at the university with precisely these research interests, with the time, commitment and vision to drive these forward. Most researchers are already working in their own areas.
What you need to realize is that you must start applying for each and every academic job that looks plausible anywhere in the country, but also abroad. Even if you don’t decide, for whatever reason, to take that job, you will have been through the interview process—and each interview experience is important in helping you perform better in that setting.
When I completed my PhD I applied for about 35-40 jobs—this is what you should be doing. Scouring the www.jobs.ac.uk and THES. Nothing is going to be handed to you on a plate—you’ve got to do the footwork and hustle.
Remember—you don’t actually have to take the job, but getting an offer may help you to figure out if you have other life options in how you work out the day to day arrangements for the care of your partner.
I believe that you are far too talented to let the possibility of an academic job slip through your fingers.
Prof. Oak
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And this is my reply:
Dear Prof. Oak,
I appreciate where you're coming from but I feel that I must clarify my position with all of this. It sounds like you and I have very different expectations of academia. Rather than viewing the completion of a PhD as a means of securing a foothold on the academic rung, I instead see it as a means of sharpening my skills as an independent researcher and writer. At this stage, my relationship to academia exists in conjunction with my capacity as a trainer, researcher and consultant in other realms - ie the public sector, local Government, NGOs and other Independent bodies. At the core of each involvement is a commitment to advocacy, education, equalities and the transfer of knowledge. In other words, my passion for academic research and teaching finds its equivalent in the undertaking of more 'hands on' campaign, research and consultancy work. Whilst academia will always be a part of my life, I see my involvement on a more arms-length basis - ie contributing to specific research projects, as a guest lecturer, sessional tutor etc rather than securing a tenured position.
Since finishing the PhD, I have set up as a freelance researcher, trainer and consultant and am in the process of launching my own research organisation - Inter Alia - with a good friend and colleague. We've have been working with the Equality and Diversity Office of Oak Uni. to deliver training and a resource package on trans issues, advising staff (HR, student support, academic etc) about best practice when working with trans staff and students (to be implemented next year on a trial basis). I'm also currently undertaking research for an education consultant in London, looking into practical ways of implementing the equalities schemes in SEN schools across the UK. I've recently been in contact with a private consultancy organisation about undertaking freelance work in the area of NHS consultations. Applying my research to the public sector is something I'm hoping to develop over the next few years.
I've submitted over twenty job applications since graduating - post-doc fellowships and lecturing posts in arts/humanities and the social/political sciences at both traditional and ex-polytechnic Unis; research and policy work for the EHRC, local councils, NGOs, civil service, charities etc; research and development within community-led and arts organisations etc. In the meantime, I've managed to secure casual/part-time work in the area of website design, student support research, and campaigns/social enterprise research.
I'm currently applying to undertake a post-doc fellowship at a Swedish Uni in the area of feminist/queer/trans research. I've also just submitted an application to the 'Transgender Council of Europe' to undertake human rights violations research in the area of 'Trans People and the British Criminal Justice System'. In addition, I'm in the process of finalising a research application to the ESRC in the area of 'Trans People and Ageing', looking at the experiences of and attitudes towards gender variant people in a social/residential care setting in the UK.
So, as you can see, I've been far from inactive. The path I've chosen to tread is equally as challenging as the path you've taken and I too will make sacrifices - financial wealth and academic status etc - but, my heartfelt commitment to social change drives me forwards.
Best,
Acorn
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm still waiting for the 'thank you' from Prof. Oak for doing one of her classes for free! Watch this space...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Transgender Day of Remembrance
Yesterday marked the 3rd vigil to take place in Manchester in remembrance of all those trans lives lost to transphobia. It was a sombre night as we paid our respects to all those violently victimised just for being who they are. Name-after-hundreth name was read giving the huge scale of stigma and hate directed at trans people world-wide (most of whom were trans women of colour) and those are just the ones we know about. After the service, it was good to dethaw and convert the anger and upset into solidarity during the afer-gathering in Taurus bar - here's a short clip to mark the occasion:
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Progress...Let's Hope
In response to Goat's beautiful recent post, I've just found out that:
The Steering Committee of Transgender Europe lends its support to the
joint statement of May 28, 2008 issued by the American organizations
National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE), the Transgender Law
and Policy Institute (TLPI), the Transgender Law Center (TLC) and the
Transgender Youth Family Allies (TYFA). After meeting with the APA,
these four groups reported that “[they] are confident that a fair,
unbiased review of current knowledge can result in a DSM-V that can
move society toward a more rational and humane understanding of
transgender people.” The review process will go on for several years,
and the APA welcomes suggestions from lay persons as well as mental
health professionals in this process.
Transgender Europe expressed in its press release after the Berlin
Council:
Despite much scientific controversy, forms of transgender continue to
be listed in the DSM IV of the American Psychological Association
(APA), just as homosexuality once was, and in the ICD-10 of the World
Health Organization (WHO) as psychological disorders. DSM and ICD are
guideline manuals used in healthcare to standardise the definitions of
what constitutes mental illness. Transgender Europe (TGEU) emphatically
refuses this pathologisation and will assist the next reformulation of
the DSM in a critical manner.”
We, the Steering Committee, are firmly of the conviction that the
stigmatization, which in part is grounded in the mistaken assumption
that gender variance is prima facie a medical disorder, is
discriminatory. Furthermore, we cite the Yogyakarta Principles, Article
18:
No person may be forced to undergo any form of medical or psychological
treatment, procedure, testing or be confined to a medical facility,
based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Notwithstanding any
classifications to the contrary, a person’s sexual orientation and
gender identity are not, in and of themselves, medical conditions and
are not to be treated, cured or suppressed.
A number of national governments and international bodies have passed
resolutions in support of these principles: the European Parliament,
the Council of Europe, Organization of American States.
Any revision of the DSM and the ICD must be carried out with full
compliance to the Yogyakarta Principles.
Vienna, Nov 1st 2008
the Steering Committee of Transgender Europe
The Steering Committee of Transgender Europe lends its support to the
joint statement of May 28, 2008 issued by the American organizations
National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE), the Transgender Law
and Policy Institute (TLPI), the Transgender Law Center (TLC) and the
Transgender Youth Family Allies (TYFA). After meeting with the APA,
these four groups reported that “[they] are confident that a fair,
unbiased review of current knowledge can result in a DSM-V that can
move society toward a more rational and humane understanding of
transgender people.” The review process will go on for several years,
and the APA welcomes suggestions from lay persons as well as mental
health professionals in this process.
Transgender Europe expressed in its press release after the Berlin
Council:
Despite much scientific controversy, forms of transgender continue to
be listed in the DSM IV of the American Psychological Association
(APA), just as homosexuality once was, and in the ICD-10 of the World
Health Organization (WHO) as psychological disorders. DSM and ICD are
guideline manuals used in healthcare to standardise the definitions of
what constitutes mental illness. Transgender Europe (TGEU) emphatically
refuses this pathologisation and will assist the next reformulation of
the DSM in a critical manner.”
We, the Steering Committee, are firmly of the conviction that the
stigmatization, which in part is grounded in the mistaken assumption
that gender variance is prima facie a medical disorder, is
discriminatory. Furthermore, we cite the Yogyakarta Principles, Article
18:
No person may be forced to undergo any form of medical or psychological
treatment, procedure, testing or be confined to a medical facility,
based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Notwithstanding any
classifications to the contrary, a person’s sexual orientation and
gender identity are not, in and of themselves, medical conditions and
are not to be treated, cured or suppressed.
A number of national governments and international bodies have passed
resolutions in support of these principles: the European Parliament,
the Council of Europe, Organization of American States.
Any revision of the DSM and the ICD must be carried out with full
compliance to the Yogyakarta Principles.
Vienna, Nov 1st 2008
the Steering Committee of Transgender Europe
Friday, October 31, 2008
Let's talk about race
Writing my thesis, I examined my racial privilege from an assumption that I was white British, simple. But now, since a number of conversations with friends of mixed heritage/race background, I'm not so sure. Up until quite recently I had just assumed that I was white British because I was born in England and had light skin - I didn't know anything about my family heritage. But now, the more I'm read as male, the more my other 'differences' show and creates a recognition from men of colour (specifically Asian or Middle Eastern men). The guy at the cornerstore, for eg, regularly gives me discounts and tries to bond with me about being mixed heritage because he sees me as similar to him - he's from Syria with an Italian ancestry. However, most of the time - and especially by white British people - I'm seen as white and, as a result, I experience racial privilege - I assimilate on account of the pervasive white-washing of 'difference'.
The reason my friend Rocky originally got in touch with me was because he saw a photo of me on the XX Boys website and recognised me as a 'brother' and felt like I was family. When we met for the first time, we had lots of conversations about the need to move away from white/of colour binary (an assumption I make in my thesis) to notice the nuances of race/ethnicity. It was him looking at a photo of my mum and saying 'she ain't white, she black' - ie despite her olive skin, she has dark features - which got me getting back in touch with my aunt and asking more questions (my aunt ignored me for a while when she found out that me - her 'niece' - wanted to be a guy). Rocky has Sicilian and Maori make-up and gets recognised as a brother by aborigini people in Australia but white-washed by white folk. I guess I'm starting to feel the same way as my experiences accumulate. But it's weird because I have no concete proof - I can only go by my mum's appearances (Italian, Middle Eastern looking), my aunt's information (yes - Eastern European Jewishness, Italian, possibly Syrian...) and finding finding fragments of old photos in an effort to piece my family ancestry and my own racial heritage together...an interesting process which is not so straight-foward.
The reason my friend Rocky originally got in touch with me was because he saw a photo of me on the XX Boys website and recognised me as a 'brother' and felt like I was family. When we met for the first time, we had lots of conversations about the need to move away from white/of colour binary (an assumption I make in my thesis) to notice the nuances of race/ethnicity. It was him looking at a photo of my mum and saying 'she ain't white, she black' - ie despite her olive skin, she has dark features - which got me getting back in touch with my aunt and asking more questions (my aunt ignored me for a while when she found out that me - her 'niece' - wanted to be a guy). Rocky has Sicilian and Maori make-up and gets recognised as a brother by aborigini people in Australia but white-washed by white folk. I guess I'm starting to feel the same way as my experiences accumulate. But it's weird because I have no concete proof - I can only go by my mum's appearances (Italian, Middle Eastern looking), my aunt's information (yes - Eastern European Jewishness, Italian, possibly Syrian...) and finding finding fragments of old photos in an effort to piece my family ancestry and my own racial heritage together...an interesting process which is not so straight-foward.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Madness
10 years old and sitting on the back steps of the Frank-the-baker's waiting for mum to break for lunch, chatting with Emma - the new girl - about MADNESS, my favourite band! She's just promised to take me to Hyde Park to see them play. Excited, I rush through the bakery and wait patiently for mum to finish selling bacon butties and cream cakes to the ENDLESS queue of hungry workmen. I can't wait to ask her if I can go. Mistake - I get roped into washing up ENDLESS dishes. It's not all bad - there's a huge cream cake waiting for me when I'm done. And, even better, MADNESS is blasting on the radio - 'Baggy Trousers' - my favourite. It's my lucky day!!!
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